


Upon the Midnight Clear

by cloudy_dreams



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Dead Taeyong, Ghosts, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:36:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21948184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudy_dreams/pseuds/cloudy_dreams
Summary: The first time Doyoung met Taeyong he was fifteen. At the time he didn’t realize this was just the beginning for them.It was only when they met a second time that he started to realize what Taeyong was.The following year, he tried to hide from him, unwilling to face the facts.When Taeyong appeared before him for the fourth time, Doyoung had begrudgingly accepted the truth. His soulmate was dead.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Upon the Midnight Clear

“I don’t know why you always insist on being outside,” Doyoung grumbled as he rubbed his hands together in a futile endeavor to get them warm. “It’s freezing.” 

He could see his breath in the chilly midnight air. It was the longest night of the year, and his companion was currently leaning against the guard rail, gently glowing against the night sky spattered with distant city lights. 

Leaning back, his grinning face appearing despite the thick scarf wrapped around his neck, Taeyong replied, “I like being outside. I’ve been feeling cooped up lately.” 

“You always feel that way.”

“Stop your griping,” Taeyong said appearing beside Doyoung. He had come up beside him so quickly that Doyoung startled, almost knocking over the cup of hot chocolate that he had remembered to prepare this year. “Our time together is already short as it is.” 

That gave Doyoung a second of pause, “Still, why can’t we do this indoors? I’m cold.” 

Taeyong gave him one final look of warning, and Doyoung decided to leave the subject for Taeyong was correct. Time was quickly passing – it always seemed to pass faster when they were together in the limited time they had together. If they wasted their time together this year, it wouldn’t be until next year that they would get another chance. 

Soulmates were always drawn together. Time and distance could separate them, but they would eventually be drawn together. The time that they had together was a gift, one that Doyoung didn’t quite understand as much as he tried. Instead, he was learning to accept the short, precious time they had together.

He followed Taeyong over to the guard rail, hot chocolate in hand, letting the heat seep through the mug into his cold fingers, and they looked at the city view. 

Sighing, Taeyong said, “I always loved the view of the city from this direction. Especially at night.” 

“It’s nice, I guess.” Doyoung thought of the days that he commuted back and forth; how repeated trips made the night view seem so ordinary. For Taeyong who couldn’t see the view on a day to day to basis, it must seem special. He tried to muster the same awe that he had the first time he saw the view, trying to put himself in Taeyong’s shoes, but finding himself unable to do so. 

Instead, he looked at Taeyong, admiring the way his eyes had lit up, the bright smile on his face, and not to mention, he was so handsome tonight that it made the butterflies in Doyoung’s stomach flutter. Taeyong turned just in time to catch Doyoung’s eyes and he grinned seeing that he had caught Doyoung staring at him. 

“Just nice?” 

“I’d rate it six out of ten stars tonight.” 

“Six! It’s easily an eight!” 

“I’m grading on a special scale tonight, and I’m docking points because of the weather,” Doyoung argued, even though Taeyong was right. It was a beautiful night for being the beginning of winter. The company certainly didn’t hurt either.

Taeyong pouted, before turning back to face the city view. Doyoung leaned closer, as close as he could get without feeling like he was getting into Taeyong’s space. It was times like these that Doyoung wished that Taeyong could always be around. There was nothing quite like companionable silence with someone who truly understood him, someone who cared for him unconditionally, thought about his wellbeing above others. They didn’t need many words or to be actively doing something in order to enjoy being with each other.

“How’s college going?” Taeyong finally asked.

“Fine.” Doyoung shrugged, shifting to give Taeyong a bit more space. “I need to declare my major by the end of next semester, and I don’t know what I want to do. I thought something would speak to me by now, but nothing has.” 

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” Taeyong said. “Besides it’s just a major. It doesn’t necessarily pin you down for the rest of your life.” 

Doyoung let out a huff, “Everyone certainly seems to think so. It would at the very least, define me for the next couple of years. Maybe I just don’t want to be pinned down to something so permanently.” 

There was a silence as both men considered Doyoung’s words. When Taeyong finally spoke again, he said quietly, almost so faintly that Doyoung barely heard him, “I wish I had something like that.” 

“Taeyong-“ 

“No, no,” Taeyong shook his head. “It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean to. I’ve known for years now.” 

They fell silent, and Doyoung wished that he could take back his earlier complaints. He wished that he hadn’t complained about the weather, and being outside, and about having to figure out his future. Taeyong’s precious time deserved far more than listening to his whining. He could whine any time and any place. Taeyong didn’t need to hear it.

“I’m sorry, Taeyong,” Doyoung apologized again. 

Taeyong sent him a soft smile, “Don’t worry about it.” He pulled back from the railing and went to sit on the bench, patting beside him, indicating that Doyoung should come over and join him. “Now tell me about what mischief you’ve gotten up to in the past year?”

“Mischief?” Doyoung tried to sound as indignant as he could, but he couldn’t help the grin that came through as he sat beside Taeyong. While he may not truly be a troublemaker, he always did seem to find situations that could be regarded as so, so for the next half hour he regaled Taeyong with tales of his college misfortunes with his friends and classmates. 

The hour quickly passed too quickly for as the clock indicated it had turned one o’clock, Taeyong stood in front of him with a sad smile. “It’s time for me to go, Doyoung. Until next year, please be safe.” 

He dissipated into the dark night, leaving Doyoung alone, as if there had never been another person with him, leaving him feeling like he was missing a part of himself, and in a way, he was.

The first time Doyoung met Taeyong he had been fifteen. 

He had been out with a study group that had ran late, and he hadn’t been able to head home until it was nearly midnight. The night had been rather mild, with a light rain as he quickly rushed through the streets, tired and exhausted, his brain fried from the extensive studying. All he wanted to do was to take a quick shower and go straight to bed. 

His mind had been elsewhere when he quite literally ran into another boy, sending them both reeling to the ground. 

“Ouch.” 

There limbs were entangled, and Doyoung could have sworn that he saw a bright flash of light as their hands touched, but he wrote it off as hitting his head a little too hard against the pavement. 

Once the surprise of running into someone wore off, he sat up. The boy, softly glowed underneath the streetlights in the rain, looked at him with surprise on his face. 

“Are you alright?” Doyoung asked, picking himself off the ground. “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.” 

“You can see me?” 

Doyoung rolled his eyes, “Of course I can see you. What were you doing, sitting there in the middle of the street in the rain, anyways?”

The boy opened his mouth as to speak, but closed it, before trying again, “I didn’t quite realize where I was.” 

The answer perplexed Doyoung, but he shrugged it off. It was late and he was tired, and the boy probably was also tired and overworked, since he appeared to be around the same age as Doyoung. 

“Regardless,” Doyoung finally replied, “You should be careful. It’s really late.” He checked his watch, and gasped. “Shit! I can’t believe it is already past midnight. My parents are going to kill me.” He found himself bowing the boy, and apologizing again, “Sorry, for running into you.” And then he took off down the street, hurrying towards home. 

However, he was not alone. The boy he had run into was keeping up with him as the proceeded down the street.

Doyoung stopped, turning to the boy. “Are you following me?”

“I don’t know where to go?” The words came out as more of a question than a statement. 

Seeing the wet, bedraggled boy, Doyoung took pity on him. “Come along,” he muttered. His parents had instilled the value of kindness and helping strangers, and in this state, the boy didn’t look like he could hurt a fly. He could only hope that he was right. 

The boy perked up at the invitation, and they quickly made their way to Doyoung’s house. After taking off their shoes and coats in the entryway, Doyoung directed the boy towards the kitchen, “Do you want anything to drink? Or anything to eat? I’m sure I can find something you’d like.” 

“Actually, could I wash up?” 

“Huh?” Doyoung asked, turning to face the boy. “Sure, I guess. The bathroom is just down the hall and second door to the right. Here let me show me.” He led the way to the bathroom, even grabbing a towel and extra clothing because it looked like the boy might want a shower. Once he had handed off the items, Doyoung returned to the kitchen to prepare a late midnight snack for them both. 

He had just taken off the pot with ramen when the boy returned, swimming in Doyoung’s clothes. “Sorry that I took so long in the shower.” 

“No problem,” Doyoung replied. The boy had barely been gone for ten minutes. By no one’s standards would anyone think that he took a long shower. “Here,” he beckoned the boy over, “I made some ramen. Come eat.” 

The boy cautiously sat at the table as Doyoung prepared two bowls. He brought them over and placed one before the boy. “Enjoy.” 

Instead of eating the food, the boy looked at Doyoung, who was eating his food without noticing the attention on him. “Taeyong.” 

Doyoung looked up, “Sorry, did you say something?”

“My name is Taeyong. What’s yours?” The boy’s eyes were wide as he awaited his answer. 

Doyoung couldn’t believe that he had gone that long without first introducing himself. He choked, pounding his chest to force it down, taking a sip of water, before finally answering, “Doyoung, although technically my name is Kim Dongyoung, but you can call me Doyoung.” 

“Doyoung,” the boy said tentatively. “It’s nice to meet you.” The way he smiled at Doyoung made his heart flip unexpectedly. 

“Likewise, Taeyong was it?” When the boy nodded his head excitedly, Doyoung smiled back. “It’s nice to meet you, too, Taeyong.” 

There was shuffling coming from upstairs, and a woman’s voice called, “Doyoung, is that you?”

“Yes, mom,” he called back. Doyoung turned back to Taeyong, “Hold on a sec, I’ll be right back.” He left the boy behind as he went to check in with mother, letting her know that he had brought home a friend from his study session, apologizing that he didn’t tell her beforehand, that they would go straight to bed as soon as he finished washing up. 

Thankfully, his mother was fine, used to the frequent friends that her sons often unexpectedly brought home. 

Relieved that he wasn’t in any trouble, Doyoung returned to the kitchen, only to find it empty, the bowl of ramen uneaten, still sitting on the kitchen table. 

“Taeyong?” he called, wondering if maybe the boy had wandered into another room. He went down the hall, checking the bathroom, the living room, and when he looked for his shoes and coat, he didn’t find them either. It was then he realized that the boy must have left while he had been talking with his mom, but he could have sworn that he didn’t hear him leave. 

He checked outside, just to make sure, but there was still no indication that Taeyong had ever been there. The only indication that he had been there was the bowl of ramen on the kitchen table and the fact that Doyoung was now short a pair of sweatpants and a grey T-shirt. 

For the rest of the year, Doyoung forgot about the incident, placing it simply as something that his exhausted brain had made up one dark cold night.

But then he met Taeyong again.

The first time they met, Doyoung didn’t realize this was just the beginning for them. 

It was only when they met a second time that he started to realize what Taeyong was.

The following year, he tried to hide from him, unwilling to face the facts. 

When Taeyong appeared before him for the fourth time, Doyoung had begrudgingly accepted the truth. His soulmate was dead.

Taeyong had accepted the truth a few years before he had, during the second year. Taeyong had appeared before Doyoung as he had been watching a drama from the comfort of his bed. He should have gone to bed hours ago but found himself unable to. The sudden appearance of a glowing figure in his room had shocked him, and to his displeasure, the Taeyong had taken his sudden appearance in stride, even going as far as to compliment Doyoung on his décor. 

Their conversation had been light as Doyoung’s brain had tried to process that there was a ghost in his room. His mind was trying to comprehend what was going on. When Taeyong finally disappeared at the end of the hour, Doyoung finally felt like he could breathe, that the world had straightened, but it still made little sense. 

Over the course of the next year Doyoung tried his best to ignore what had happened, while at the same trying to be prepared, unwilling to let the apparition catch him by surprise again. It was then that he started studying the literature surrounding soulmates, even going as far as the speak to a fortuneteller who he had regarded with great suspicion. During his search he did find stories about soulmates meeting once a year, on the longest night of the year, because one of them had died violently before they had even been able to meet while they had both been alive. The stories were vague in details, but the tales aligned quite closely with what he had experienced so far.

Doyoung felt that he had far more questions than answers, but there wasn’t anybody who he could ask. Not to mention, his soulmate mark hadn’t changed in any way. If it were indeed true that Taeyong had been his soulmate, wouldn’t his mark have filled in? And if Taeyong was truly deceased, shouldn’t it be completely black? He feared that maybe there was something wrong with him, something wrong with his mark. He worried that he would never experience the blinding experience of fated love like what other had. 

With his newfound knowledge, Doyoung decided to avoid Taeyong. He didn’t want to deal with the confusing thoughts and feelings; it wasn’t a relationship that he wanted to further by any means. He forced his friends to go out with him late that night, but by the time midnight rolled around, the group had gone their separate ways, leaving Doyoung to face Taeyong alone. 

He had appeared right on schedule. Doyoung did his best to try and ignore the apparition. He couldn’t think of him as anything but a ghost as he couldn’t believe this was real, that the whispered stories had a hint of truth to them. 

Taeyong noticed his discomfort, and it became the only time that Taeyong solely talked about himself instead of pressing to know more about Doyoung’s life. He told stories about his childhood, his mother and father, his older sister, his dog named Ruby, how he had been an adventurous child, and that one day, when he had been eleven years old, he had been followed by a strange man walking through a park after school. 

The man had started running after him, and then he felt someone hit the back of his head, and after that he didn’t remember a thing. 

“You don’t look eleven.” It was the only thing Doyoung said that night.

“I don’t know,” Taeyong replied. “I don’t remember anything after that.” 

Once Doyoung accepted that Taeyong was not going anywhere, it became easy to talk to the other boy, who, each time that he saw him, seemed to grow a year older and wiser, just like Doyoung had over the course of the year. 

He would tell Taeyong about what happened that year, talking about school, his transition to college life, his friends, his hopes and fears for the future. Their time together seemed interminable in the beginning, but he quickly realized that it passed quickly, almost too quickly, and he was left wanting to tell Taeyong more, but unable to for the other had already disappeared into the night. 

He would think of Taeyong throughout the rest of the year. 

At first, it was only on occasion. It would only happen when he passed by something that reminded him of Taeyong, or a spoken word that sounded like something Taeyong would say. It slowly progressed to him constantly being on Doyoung’s mind, especially once his friends started to meet their soulmates. During a particularly trying day, or after a great success, Doyoung would address Taeyong in his journal, telling him about these events so that he wouldn’t forget.

One thing consistently weighed on his mind though, one that all young people often agonize over, and that was what he wanted to do as his career. 

The answer came surprisingly while watching the news just after Doyoung came back from the army. 

There was a story of a missing boy who had been found safe after three days of being lost in the woods. He watched, enthralled, as the happy parents embraced their son, and the police chief commended the community for coming together to assist in the search and rescue operations. There were just enough parallels for Doyoung to realize what he needed to do.

Doyoung was nervous, his hands shaking, worried that Taeyong would be upset with what Doyoung would tell him. Previously when Doyoung tried to ask Taeyong about is past, he would clam up and change the topic. He hadn’t learned much about Taeyong’s life beyond what he had told him the third night they had met.

“There’s actually snow on the ground this year,” Taeyong cheered, standing beside Doyoung at the rail, watching boats pass underneath them. Doyoung had decided to take a walk by the Han River that year, knowing that Taeyong liked the outdoors and views that could be admired even in the dark. Despite the late night, it was surprisingly bright with a full moon. Taeyong shone like a beacon of light, and it took all Doyoung had to not just stare at him. 

Taeyong bounced in excitement as they continued along the path. Doyoung listened as Taeyong chattered, excitement bouncing off him for being somewhere different. His enthusiasm was infectious, and Doyoung found himself following along with an extra bounce in his own steps. 

They stopped again at a pier to admire the river, the glistening lights of the city across the way. Doyoung knew that time was rapidly passing him by, and he needed to tell Taeyong. It was too important of a decision not to share. Not to mention it could possibly affect him one day. 

“I’ve decided to go into law enforcement.” The words came out a bit more suddenly than he had intended, but Taeyong didn’t seem to notice. 

“That’s great,” Taeyong enthused. “I remember that you were worried about it, but I think you suit being a police officer. Plus, you look really good in uniform.” 

“Taeyong,” Doyoung interrupted. The man beside him quieted as he sighed, looking straight ahead, unable to face Taeyong as he spoke what was on his mind. “We can’t keep doing this forever.”

“What do you mean?” Taeyong stood beside him. Even though he couldn’t see him, Doyoung could imagine the confusion written in his eyes, the hurt. Taeyong understood what he was implying, and he wanted Doyoung to say the words out loud. 

The words felt heavy on his tongue as he spoke. “You need to move on, Taeyong. You need to find out what happened to you so that you can move on.”

“No.” 

Taeyong shook at the mere suggestion. It was the first time that Doyoung realized that Taeyong remembered more, that he had gone through many terrible things after he had disappeared at eleven.

“The truth needs to come out,” Doyoung argued back. “There needs to be justice. Has there been any of that?”

Taeyong remained silent, and Doyoung knew he was right, so he cautiously asked, “Have you even been found?”

The way that Taeyong stayed silent, glaring at the ground was all the response Doyoung needed. Even though they couldn’t actually touch, he tried his best to wrap his arms around the other man, holding him as best he could, trying to bring him some comfort, even though there was nothing he could do other than to be there. Taeyong shook as silent tears formed in the corner of his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Taeyong,” Doyoung apologized. “I didn’t mean to remind you of the bad things.” The words fell clumsily out as he tried to explain himself. “I just thought that this would make you happy.”

“But what if I’m happy with the way things are now? This is the most that I can have. Please don’t take away the only happiness I currently have.” 

Doyoung pulled away, “And what’s that?” 

“You.” 

He didn’t feel any rush to solve Taeyong’s case, after all it wasn’t particularly urgent, not to mention Doyoung didn’t have much information to work with, although he searched the cold cases, digging through piles of missing children. 

Other times, he would research more on soulmates, then on ghosts, trying to figure out if there was anything he could do, or should be doing. His experience was virtually unheard of, although there were many stories, often conflicting with each other and he didn’t know what or who to believe. But his gut instinct was that as much as he wanted Taeyong to stay around for a long time, it shouldn’t happen. 

Doyoung would look at his own mark, a reminder that the only reason it hadn’t yet darkened in was because Taeyong hadn’t technically passed all the way over to the afterlife yet. Until he did, Doyoung would never be assigned another soulmate (not that he wanted another one said a small voice in the back of his head). 

But time always seemed to be against Doyoung. It had taken time and some digging around in the missing children cold case files, but he found someone with the name, not to mention the age of disappearance was about right. He grew up with a mother and a father, an older sister, and had even adopted a dog just before he went missing. The looks Doyoung had become so familiar with were there, albeit the photograph was that of an eleven-year-old, and not of the older boy that Doyoung had come to know.

With this information, Doyoung hoped that maybe he was on the right path so that maybe they could both eventually move on.

Taeyong didn’t recognize the neighborhood he grew up in when Doyoung waited for him. Frankly, it surprised Doyoung, thinking of his own hometown, his frequent trips to visit his parents and his older brother and his new wife. He didn’t think he would ever be able to forget the streets and houses even if he hadn’t seen it in eighteen years.

Then again, the last time Taeyong had seen his hometown had been as a child and what children remembered was probably different than what adults saw. 

“It’s really quiet out tonight,” Taeyong said walking down the street. Doyoung was letting him take the lead, hoping that Taeyong would lead him somewhere, anywhere, that would give him an insight to who he was, and where he might be hiding.

“It’s cold, plus tomorrow is Monday.” 

“I suppose that’s true,” Taeyong replied. He looked over his shoulder at Doyoung. “What’s it like going to work every day, a regular office job?”

“I’m hardly the right person to ask,” Doyoung said. “But there is something satisfying about feeling like I’m making a difference, not to mention I like seeing my savings grow. I won’t ever be rich, but I’m comfortable. It’s a nice feeling.” 

They walked in companionable silence until they reached the end of the street. Before them was a park, streetlights lit a path through the line of trees, but for the most part it was dark. 

Taeyong stopped dead in tracks and Doyoung walked through him, stopping only when he noticed that Taeyong was no longer moving. 

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to go there,” Taeyong whispered. His arms were crossed against his chest, his hands tightly gripping his forearms as he hugged himself, shaking. “It feels wrong.” 

“We can turn around; go anywhere you’d like.” 

Taeyong remined motionless. “I used to love playing in the park, going on walks, looking for animals.” He stared into the darkness; his mind focused on things of the past. Doyoung stood beside him, waiting, trying to read between the lines. Taeyong pulled in a deep breath before looking up at the sky, a few stars glimmered through the clouds. “What is it?”

“Come here,” Doyoung put an arm around Taeyong as best he could, bringing Taeyong’s attention back to him, and he allowed Doyoung to walk them back down the street in the direction of the houses. 

Taeyong’s visceral reaction to the park worried Doyoung, that maybe he hadn’t thought his plan out that well. As much as he believed that Taeyong’s case needed to be solved, he hadn’t given much consideration to the fact that it would put Taeyong through emotional turmoil. His desire to solve the case didn’t mean that others should be hurt in the process. 

The next year he stayed far away from the outdoors, instead showing Taeyong around the house he had bought that year and was working on fixing up. Taeyong admired the work that Doyoung had done already, as well as offered his own opinion on what should be done. He had a keen eye for color and space, and Doyoung made mental notes to try and incorporate what ideas he could. But Doyoung’s eyes couldn’t leave him as he walked about the rooms, sharing his ideas

There was always this constant ache in his heart when he was with Taeyong, one that had him thinking of what could have been.

Time had a way of continuing forward despite his attempts to hold onto the moment. Years went by and it was almost like the universe wanted him to solve the case. 

In a totally unrelated case, the DNA he acquired suggested relatability to a cold case. Upon taking a closer look, the file described a case very similar to Taeyong’s. A child disappeared at the age of ten twenty years ago, never to be found or heard from again. Where he had disappeared was within a mile of where Taeyong said he had disappeared, similar time frame. Even their pictures looked eerily similar. 

Months of digging around, and Doyoung eventually found a name.

When one has enough information, the pieces quickly start to fall in place, almost too quickly for Doyoung to keep up with the pace. There were times that he started to worry that it was going too fast, that he wanted time to slow down. It was a kind of cosmic retaliation as he had been so set on finding the truth that now that he wanted to slow down, the fates had decided it was time. 

It would probably end up being among his poorer decisions, but he found himself exploring the woods where the suspect had owned property the night that Taeyong would appear. As the sun started to set, he decided to continue on with his search, and as the hours passed by, in the distance by the light of his flashlight, he saw a shed. 

His stomach dropped. 

It was quiet, dark and wet as he waited in the darkness. As the hours passed by, his mind drifted to how the conversation would go, what he would say, what he could possibly say to make it better, but his mind kept coming up blank. 

Taeyong appeared quietly beside him at midnight; Doyoung hadn’t even noticed the glimmer that announced his appearance. 

Together they stared into the distance, neither speaking until Doyoung broke the silence. 

“Is this it?”

“Yes,” Taeyong said, his voice wavering. His hands were balled into fists. “I don’t remember much of anything. I just have a bad feeling.” 

“I feel it too.” 

A faint tear appeared in the corner of Taeyong’s eye, but he brushed it away, squared his shoulders and made his way towards the shed. Doyoung followed closely behind. “I remember hearing birds calling, and the cicadas during the night. Then there were heavy footsteps against the floorboards. I tried to move away, but I couldn’t.” 

They had closed the distance to the shed, but Taeyong stopped in his tracks. “I don’t remember the last time I saw the sun. I don’t remember the last time I had even been outside until I met you. There’s so much I don’t remember.” 

“Maybe it’s for the best that you don’t.” 

“Maybe,” Taeyong agreed. 

Again, they quieted, standing together in the darkness. Doyoung felt the dampness of the night creeping into his shoes as they just stood there. He felt cold, but he wasn’t sure if it was a physical reaction to the cold, or a mental response to the situation. 

Time was passing by faster than either of them wanted to admit, and neither could find it within themselves to say anything. 

Like something had possessed him, Doyoung took a step forward, a sudden conviction that he had to follow through. That if he didn’t move right at that second that he would never move forward again in his life. That it had to be now, or it would never happen. 

“Wait,” Taeyong called, his voice cracked. “Don’t go.” 

His voice wavered as he called for Doyoung, “Please don’t go in,” he repeated, reaching out to try and grasp Doyoung’s sleeve, but it was futile as they couldn’t touch. “I want to spend more time with you. When you think about it, we haven’t even been together for a full twenty-four hours yet. Think of the days and weeks, and years that we missed out on together. Going through with this would mean that we’d never see each other again. Please, stop.” 

Doyoung stood still, his back turned to Taeyong. He felt the gravity of the situation, the unfairness. Theywere soulmates that had never been given the opportunity to meet each other during their lifetimes because one had tragically died before they even had the opportunity to meet. Yet due to some cosmic hole, Taeyong had been able to appear before him once a year, albeit for only an hour. But neither knew what would happen if they found some answers to what had happened.

“I’m sorry.” Doyoung wanted to apologize for what had happened, that he hadn’t been able to stop it, not that he could have stopped it from happening. He apologized for pursuing his career, for even thinking of solving the case. He apologized for standing here at this moment when he could have stayed home, or planned some sort of other event, knowing that Taeyong would be appearing that night. 

Instead, they stood in the darkness, tears running down both their faces, a sense of finality, that their lives were out of their control. 

Taeyong dropped to the ground, a sob wracked through his body. “I don’t ever want to not see you again. I wish we could be together. I wish that we could have together had our own house, raised a dog together, spoiled our nephews and nieces rotten, and have been happy, together. Why is it so unfair, Doyoung? Tell me.” 

“I don’t know.” He tried to hold in the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. 

“Why me?” he cried, and at that moment Doyoung’s heart broke. Even though Taeyong had aged through the years along with him, maturing, right at that moment he looked like how he had been twenty years ago, a frail, small teen boy who looked so hopelessly lost in the woods surrounded by darkness. Taeyong wailed again, “Why me? Why did this happen to me?” 

Doyoung fell down beside the other, and tried to wrap his arms around him, frustrated that despite all the years that had passed he still hadn’t figured out a way to actually hold Taeyong’s ghost. What words he had to offer didn’t seem sufficient enough and he was too afraid of bungling them to provide any real comfort. All that he had was his presence and he hoped that would be enough. 

Tears fell down his face as Taeyong started to disappear into the night, but there was an eerie finality to it for Doyoung had made up his mind. In a lot of ways, he had made up his mind years before when he had decided to pursue a career in law enforcement. As he slowly disappeared, Doyoung said, “I love you,” and for one bitter second it felt like Taeyong solidified in his grasp and then he was gone. 

Doyoung reported the location of the shed the following day as he was unable to investigate himself. He was too afraid of what he would find. 

He busied himself around the office, getting up to date on paperwork that he had fallen behind on, helping with the phones, organizing files that had become in disarray. He tried to keep his ears open, hoping that some information about the search would trickle down. Instead, he didn’t hear anything about the case. 

The chief kept the file under tight lock and key, and as the weeks progressed and Doyoung didn’t hear anything he had given up any hope of finding out what happened. It wasn’t until nearly half the year had passed by that his boss finally called him into his office. 

“Officer Kim,” he greeted. 

“Sir.” 

“Good job Officer Kim. Thanks to your work, we were able to close this case and bring some peace to the families.” 

Doyoung asked with bated breath, only one question on his mind, “Did you find someone called Taeyong?” 

His boss nodded his head, “Yes, there was a Lee Taeyong.” 

His boss passed the file over to Doyoung, who hesitantly accepted it, not sure if he wanted to look through it. His boss continued rattling a few more compliments before letting him leave the office. He went back to his desk with the file. 

There it sat, unopened, until he decided to put it back in with the other solved cases.

Doyoung didn’t attend Taeyong’s funeral. He heard about it casually from one of his coworkers in the breakroom. It didn’t seem appropriate to go; he wasn’t family, he hadn’t known Taeyong before his died. The darkened soulmate mark reminded him of that every day.

The rest of the year passed in a haze. 

He focused on his work, spending long hours in the office. He tried to pick up new hobbies, and almost every night he would write in his journal, the stories and feelings that he wished he could tell Taeyong on the regular.

On the longest night of the year he held onto the hope that things hadn’t changed. 

He stayed up late, a bottle of soju nearby as he waited for the stroke of midnight. He desperately hoped that Taeyong would appear like he had before suddenly and brilliantly with a dazzling smile. Doyoung would complain about the cold even though he had been the one waiting outside. Then Taeyong would ask about his year, and Doyoung would try to fit everything that he could into that one precious hour. 

Except that Taeyong didn’t appear at midnight. 

There was no sound or movement to suggest that he would show up five minutes later. 

Another ten minutes passed. 

“I’m sorry,” Doyoung called out, his words slurred. “Please come out Taeyong. I miss you.” 

Despite his plea, he never appeared. 

Doyoung held on for another few hours even though it was long past the time Taeyong would make an appearance. Seeing that he never showed, Doyoung held off, and decided he would wait until the next year to try again. 

Taeyong never showed up the next year, nor the following year. 

When Doyoung particularly missed Taeyong, which happened at the most unexpected occasions, he would visit him at his grave. He would drive to Taeyong’s hometown and enter the hall, passing by the photos and urns that held the remains of loved ones. He easily found his urn, having visited multiple times over the last three years. 

It was strange to stare at the face of the eleven-year-old boy, especially since he knew what Taeyong would look like at thirty-six, as an adult if he had only lived a happier life, a different one. 

“I miss you,” he said. “I’ve been pretty busy at work. Got a case that’s driving me insane, but I’m sure we’ll be able to nail this guy soon. My parents are doing fine, they are all set to retire next year. Dad wants to travel the world, but mom is not so keen on the idea, especially since Mina just turned five. Can you imagine? My brother’s youngest is finally five? They are growing up so fast.” He spoke for a bit longer before going silent. By the time he left it had been nearly an hour – just like old times. 

Doyoung always remembered one particular year. He had been so worried that it wouldn’t work, that he wouldn’t see Taeyong that year and that he would have to wait another 365 days before seeing the other again.

It had been on his mind for a few years now, after Taeyong had made a few off-hand remarks about never been beyond the borders of Korea, that he had never traveled much further than Seoul. Doyoung had taken notice though, and as someone who had always wanted to see the world himself, it seemed like the perfect surprise. 

After a year of saving up, and successfully asking his boss for two weeks off, he bought a plane ticket and embarked on his first major international trip as an adult, all by himself. His friends and family thought that he was crazy going on such a major trip by himself, but Doyoung relished it. 

Winter in Paris was cold and wet, although he thought wryly, it wasn’t all that different from Seoul. He explored the city during the day, visiting museums and cute cafes as he nibbled on a pastry, simply enjoying the atmosphere. 

On the longest night of the year, Doyoung bundled up, wrapping himself in a thick scarf with a hat and gloves, sitting in the middle of Paris, enjoying the night view alone. Despite the late night, there were still a few people walking by, both Parisians and visitors to the city. He was a bundle of nerves as he waited anxiously, wondering if maybe he had miscalculated and that their bond wouldn’t reach this far across the globe, that Taeyong simply wouldn’t be able to come, and would be left wondering what happened to him. 

When the clock finally struck midnight, Doyoung held his breath, worry creeping off him, closing his eyes. 

When he opened them up, Taeyong was standing before, glowing in his beauty, eyes looking around in marvel at the scenery around them before catching Doyoung looking at him.

“Where are we?” he breathed. 

“Paris.” 

“Wow.” Taeyong’s eyes glistened as he spun around the street. “I never even imagined.” 

“Come on,” Doyoung called him back over. “I have so much to show you. Let’s go.” 

Together, shoulder to shoulder, they walked up and down the streets, admiring the lights and famous landmarks. The hour quickly passed by as Taeyong fluttered back and forth, amazed at the sights and sounds, clapping with glee when he saw something particularly exciting. Doyoung tried to exist in the here and now, but each moment, each smile, each laugh, he wanted to copy in his memory and remember forever. 

As the hour came closer to its close, Doyoung reached for Taeyong’s hand. Even though they couldn’t touch, over the years they had figured out a way to at least pretend that they could. Taeyong’s hands glowed in his, and he looked deeply into his eyes, “I hope you liked it.” 

“I loved it,” Taeyong smiled. “It was absolutely wonderful.” 

Despite the happiness in his eyes, Doyoung felt melancholy, feeling the weight of a particular parcel in his coat pocket. It contained a pair of rings that had caught Doyoung’s eye when he had gone with his brother to look at engagement rings for his girlfriend. As Taeyong smiled at him happily as he started to disappear in the night, Doyoung found himself unable to move, as he stared straight at a future he wouldn’t have. 

As it was, Doyoung lived a long and good life. He was promoted to detective and was quite popular among the younger recruits who often went to him for advice. He was close to his brother’s children, taking them for trips, and as they grew up, married, and started to have their own children, he kept close with them.

He was eventually pushed out of the police force; he claimed that he could have gone on for another twenty years, but it was true that he was slowing down, although he was often brought in to help consult on cases, his expertise invaluable. 

So, it came to no surprise that one night after he drifted to sleep, he dreamed of Taeyong. 

He was just as handsome as he always had been even though he now looked to also be in his eighties. He grinned as Doyoung approached, a softness in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. Before he could speak, Doyoung grumbled, “Don’t tell me I told you so.” 

“I wasn’t!” Taeyong protested. 

“Then what were you going to say?”

Taeyong smiled softly, “I missed you.” 

Doyoung softened in return, his defenses retreating, “I missed you, too. And I’m sorry.” 

Shaking his head, Taeyong replied, “I understand now that you had to.” 

“I could have waited another year or two-“ 

“No, you were right. It was time.” Taeyong gazed off into the distant, and when he faced back to Doyoung, his youthful face had returned, just as Doyoung really remembered him. He glanced down and saw that his hands no longer showed their age, like Taeyong, he must have returned to the state of relative youth. 

Taeyong held out a hand, and slowly Doyoung allowed himself to be pulled forward by an unknown force until his hand was grasping Taeyong’s. For the first time, they were able to hold onto one another. He breathed in awe, looking up to see the same awe in Taeyong’s eye. 

“Follow me.” And so Doyoung did. He would follow Taeyong anywhere.

He was running late to his stats class.

His mind had been slightly distracted so he didn’t see the blond man crouching down in the middle of the pathway as he raced towards the back entrance of the building. 

They went sprawling to the ground, limbs entangled, books and bags thrown about the ground. There was a bright light emitted as their hands touched for the first time, but he discounted it as head trauma as his back slammed into the grass. He stared up at the bright blue sky, enjoying the gentle spring breeze, when he finally felt the other man shift beneath him.

“Ouch.” 

He sat up slowly, squinting, and saw the most beautiful man he had ever seen in his life. His dyed blond hair was tussled as he glared at him. 

It caught him off guard, so he scrambled to his feet, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there!” 

“Clearly, you didn’t,” came the curt response. But then he pouted, “You made me drop my frog.” 

“Frog?” 

“It’s for my environmental project,” he explained. 

“Right.” He nodded, not quite sure how else to respond. Animals had never been his favorite, not even harmless, little frogs.

The blond-haired man was reorganizing his belongings, reminding him that he needed to go, “Oh shit, I need to get to class!” 

“Oh?” 

“I have stats with Professor Kim.” 

“I heard she’s really strict. My friend Johnny took a class with her last semester.” 

“Exactly,” he agreed, glad that the other man understood. “So, sorry again, but I need to go.” There was an awkward pause as he was unable to walk away. “Um, anyway, see you later?”

He raised an eyebrow, “What makes you think that?” 

He stopped in his tracks to face the other, a sudden realization passing through him. Under any other circumstance he would have never said it, but it just felt right. “I’ll be at the bakery on 3rd Avenue in an hour, after class.” 

A piece of paper fluttered out of his hands and to the handsome man’s feet. A look of understanding passed his face, as he crouched down to pick up the paper, and as he gave it back, he grinned, “I’ll be there, Doyoung It’s a favorite of mine.” 

“Great.” Doyoung blushed, looking down at the ground. “But I really, really need to go now.” 

“Sure,” he replied. “Just ask the for Taeyong. They’ll know where you can find me.” 

A smile passed between them, an understanding that this was only the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something a bit different, and somehow it ended being a conglomeration of different ideas and tropes that I've been wanting to write for some time now. There were some dark undertones that were not fully explored; I had initially included more backstory but I ultimately decided that it detracted from the story I wanted to tell. 
> 
> thanks for reading!


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